John Jacob Windsor (b. January 19, 1950) was the third and final head of Hamish Soda Pop, the company started by James Hamish.

Early Life Edit

John Windsor was born to Jacob and Stephanie Windsor in 1950. He was an early friend of James Hamish and the first to put stock into Hamish Soda Pop. John was a shy, bumbling child, but after the death of James Hamish's father, became Executive Vice President of the Soda Company.

As Vice President Edit

As Vice President Windsor had very little power, as Hamish was always sure to do all the real work himself, because he knew his friend would crack under stress. Windsor expected to become head of the company after Hamish's death, but the title went instead to Hamish's daughter, Cheryl.

As Head of Hamish Soda Pop Edit

In 2028 Windsor got the position of head he had always craved. Cheryl Hamish had went onto become President of the United States, and Windsor was given the post of Head of the company. Windsor did not realize, however, how much work was involved and was often stressed, gambling away much of the companies earnings in the stock market. Hamish Soda Pop finally closed in 2030 when the company lost money to support the factories its soda was produced in.

Physical Appearance Edit

Windsor was a small man. He had very pale skin that burned easily and slick black hair which was often greasy. He had a thick moustache that was often crooked, and in recent years has become obese. He bears a shocking resemblace to former US President William Howard Taft, whom he claims to be descended from.

Relationships Edit

John Windsor never started a family, and for the early part of his life it was rumored he was homosexual. In 2001, after the death of James Hamish, Windsor revealed that he had been a closet asexual his whole life.

Jacob Windsor Edit

Windsor's father, from whom he gets his middle name, was a nice man. Windsor claimed that his father taught him "everything he knew" and was "much more outspoken than I." Jacob Windsor died in 2010, leaving John heartbroken.

Stephanie Windsor Edit

Stephanie Windsor (nee Yates) was disgusted by her son and always thought she could do better. She had an affair on her husband for many years, finally divorcing him and becoming a prostitute. She was gunned down in Los Angeles in 1981. Windsor did not consider her his mother, and always claimed that his stepmother, Willy Nelson Windsor, was his real mother.

Willy Windsor Edit

Wilhelmina "Willy" Windsor (nee Nelson) was the stepmother of John Windsor. She married Jacob Windsor shortly after his divorce in 1959. John Windsor openly admitted that he loved Willy more than Stephanie, going so far as to claim she was his actual parent in 1972. He never mentioned Stephanie Windsor again.

James Hamish Edit

James was Windsor's friend for as long as they both could remember. Windsor said that James' 2001 death was the most traumatizing event of his life until 2010, when it was replaced by the death of his father.

Sally Prewett Edit

Sally Prewett (nee Windsor) was the much younger sister of John Windsor. John never knew Sally very well, as she was adopted by the Prewett family in 1954, when the poor Windsor family sadly discovered that they could not afford a second child.

Cheryl Prewett Edit

Windsor did not have the same friendship with Cheryl Windsor as he did with her father, mostly because she stole the position he believed he had earned of Head of the company in 2001.